The Chicken Goat FAQ

What exactly is a 'chicken goat fuck'?

A chicken goat fuck is a situation so hopelessly chaotic that you can only sit back and laugh (or weep, depending on your sensibilities). It's identical to a clusterfuck except in terms of scale; a chicken goat fuck is what you've got when a clusterfuck goes bad.

Here's an example: Last year I went to the movies at an enormous cineplex (14 screens with stadium seating, etc.). A little more than halfway through the movie, the power goes out, and everybody has to evacuate the building. With about 1500 people all trying to exit the theater at once, while simultaneously claiming refund vouchers, the main lobby qualified as a clusterfuck. If the doors had been locked, and the whole thing had turned into a panicked melee, then it would've been a chicken goat fuck.

 

Okay, so why the website?

Well, mostly it has to do with a particular chicken goat fuck that, coincidentally, involved the phrase 'Chicken Goat Fuck'. At some point in the late nineties, I was writing half of a pretty slick (at the time) piece of software that would let you run a store on your website. At some point late in the development process, I had to do some last-minute changes and, due to dealine constraints, I wasn't happy with the manner in which I'd had to do them. After all, it's one thing to hack something together for your own website, but that's not the way you want things to happen when you're working on something that's going to be shrink-wrapped.

As an inside joke, I decided to slightly modify the copyright notice in the source code of an internal beta release (as in, not visible to users) so that it read something like, "Chicken Goat Fuck Logic, copyright..."

As all good chicken goat fucks should, this one started with a clusterfuck. Due to an error in our revision control, that's the version that got sent to the replicators, and ended up shrink-wrapped on store shelves.

The reason that it qualified as a chicken goat fuck however, was that we didn't know that had happened until one of our customers (nosy bastards that they were) was poking around in the code and called us because they were upset to find profanity therein. I won't say who the customer was, but they're a large non-profit with a very wholesome image. It was a big enough problem for my company that they might have fired me, if they could've stopped laughing long enough to do it.

 

So what's this going to be, besides a definition and an anecdote about a phrase I've never heard before?

I haven't really decided yet. I bought the domain on an impulse, and I haven't really come up with anything good to do with it yet. I thought about maybe making a widget where people can post their stories, and other people can vote on whether it's a chicken goat fuck, a clusterfuck or just, y'know, life. Maybe I'll still do that, but in the meantime this is pretty much it.